But where is the fun in being serious. SO I don’t mind laughing at these. I probably shouldn’t be so amused by them. As Ash said though…these are filth.
http://fineart.sk/index.php?cat=40
(its anatomy photos, naked people in very bizarre poses looking top professional, so NSWT, but its not porn or anything)
Today, I have drunk alot of tea, and watched alot of spongebob. I am also being harrased by someone who wants to get naked on cam. Stupid Brazillians.
It was my sister Charlottes birthday today (well, only for 25 minutes-ish more) its been a very nice day, she had it off work and my mum has cooked so much food and I have eaten so much! It snowed again last night, but now its just all horrible and sludgy, very dangerous to walk in. It is supposed to snow alot again tonight, already it has started. I don’t think i’ve ever seen so much snow! I like it when its all lovely and white, but when the cars get in it, it just looks so icky and wet. Its ever so cold as well.
My sister got a Nintendo DS from her boyfriend Charles, as her present. I have never been on one before, it is alot of fun but I got bored of it quite soon. So far I have a brain of a 45 year old, I don’t really know how to take that haha. It says because i’m under 20, I need to take the age it gives me “with a pinch of salt”. Charles also brought along his ps3 and ROCKBAND, with drums, mic and new guitar. I am abit of a master at Guitar hero and can do expert on most songs, but ROCKBAND is so difficult! Especially the drums, but it is alot of fun.
Yesterday I went to my communications group meeting. It was a new experience for me, being around people the same age as me, and who suffer from the same kind of anxietys. I must say I didn’t really think I would get there. A few minutes before we left I started to get really nervous and dread the car journey. But I pushed on and got in the car, I had my music player, and tried to keep calm but all through the journey I was starting to hyperventilate. When we arrived, I got some fresh air and decided to go in to just talk to the woman. I wouldn’t sit down in the waiting room, I always feel quite trapped in the clinic because the door locks and you cant just open it and run, you have to use a keypad or something silly.
When the woman came out to see me I said I was nervous and didn’t think I could get in the room, but she said that alot of them were feeling worried and I asked if I could leave at anytime and she said I could.
I went to sit in the room and I sat in the chair that was holding the door open (hurrah!) so I could run at anytime, I didn’t. Sitting next to the open door wasnt the best idea though, as early on in the group meeting the ambulance came and were doing something in another room, taking someone to hospital or that, which was all very disturbing. I said we could close the door, because I started to calm down. I won’t say much about the other teenagers were there, they were all boys, and I think they were all a little younger than me, exept one boy who was terribly anxious and didn’t speak much at all. I think he might have been my age or older. The two people who run the group were women though. The meeting went well, we all learnt abit about eachother and spoke about our worries for the group, and our strengths and weaknesses with communication and confidence. Although I didn’t think I needed much help with communication, I do think it will be a helpful thing to go too, I found it quite hard when everyone was listening to me, but I think I helped some of them feel more comfortable, probably with my frantic laughing. The group is weekly and goes on till the end of March, I hope to make most of the groups, more people will be joining, so hopefully I won’t be the only girl all the time.
In other news, it is my sisters birthday tommoro, so we have a nice day planned of nice food and I have an excuse to wear my nice new jacket. I tidied my room up today, but I am sure it wont remain tidy for long. I watched a good horror film this evening called P2. It was about a girl who was kidnapped from her work place by the man who runs the parking lot in the building, and he loves her in a bizarre kind of ‘lonely crazy man’ kind of way. Well it was entertaining anyway. Jess and me were texting throughout the film, I thought she would be online but she has gone to bed! Hello Jess for when/if you read this!
Throughout the day I have had http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmXaaTH0S8 this song stuck in my head. My baby cousin loves it and its always a good trick to keep him quiet, sit him in front of the PC and wow him with fake snow in Thomas the Tank engine land.
As I type this my hands are freezing and I am wrapped in a sleeping-bag, but this isn’t really because of the snow, its because my house is incredibly cold in the winter. We have no central heating, just open fires and a Rayburn, which, warm up the room they are in, but then leave the rest of the house like Siberia. My house is also quite old and we don’t have double glazing, so, when I hear people moaning about how cold they are in their lovely heated little houses I do think to myself ”TRY LIVING IN MY HOUSE!”.
I spent alot of the day out in the snow, taking random photos, and I also made a snowmanguy. I was better prepared outfit-wise than I usually am. I remember the last time we had so much now (I think it was a blizzard a few years back) the only sensible shoes I could find were small ballet pumps. So I wasn’t as cold this time, with my lace up flat boots and long coat.
It is supposed to snow again tonight, and tomorrow. I hope it does, but tomorrow I have a “group therapy/meeting” thing, which I’ve never been too before. The vague description I have from it so far is a “communications group” for teenagers (well, they like to call us young people). If it snows too much we cannot drive there, or, if the roads have iced over too much. I am interested to know what the group meeting will be like. I thought back on it, and I don’t think I’ve ever been around people the same age as me, not for many years, not in person anyway. This is quite a scary thought, I have always got on better with older people. I never really thought I had any communication problems, so either I have this wrong, or my therapist just thinks it would be a good idea for me to be around with people my own age. Whatever reason I have been asked to attend, I am sure it will be interesting.
Hello, here is my new blog. It shall take awhile for me to have some sort of organization going on, and I don’t really know what I am going to write about, so for starters I shall tell you about the past month, January.
I know alot of people dislike january, I imagine it only being a nice month if your birthday or anniversary or something nice happens in it, but for most it is just the coldest month, christmas is over, and basically things are abit sucky. For me, it doesn’t bother me greatfully that christmas is over, and nobody has money, but that is probably because I didn’t have any money to start with, and I seem to spend half my life cold anyway. Although january is horrid for most, I do not agree that it is the same for everyone, and those who suffer from SAD experience it in a different way. January has been difficult for me for as long as I can remember, because of the inpending doom I seem to force on myself because of the stomach bugs that go around this month, and how you can’t seem to get away from people telling you their gruesome tales of illness. Being an emetophobe, getting something nasty like the norovirus is terrifying, but the thing that is worse is the waiting to get it, even if you don’t.
This year has been different, in november I seemed to get an early case of SAD (for me anyway) and I accepted it quickly and felt I overcame it, it creeped up on me then when I realised it was the change of season and other life matters which were getting me down, it seemed to go as quickly as it appeared. I spent the first week or so of january complaining about how awful it was, when really, nothing that bad was happening, apart from me worrying. So instead of feeling bad about the month, I decided to continue with my recovery from agoraphobia and anxiety the only way possible, getting out, doing things and having fun. I accepted that I might get some sort of illness, but really, the month didn’t make much difference. It wouldnt be any worse if I got sick in January or September. I understand only too well that this is a very difficult thing to see when you are living with emetophobia to an extent where it rules your life completly, and everything you do, but I hope it also shows that the further you progress with understanding your fears, the easier things become. If you told me a few years ago that january would go smooth, and you would actually have some fun, I would have not believed you in the slightest. I used to spend the month sitting in a chair, refusing to eat, convinced I was ill. It seems abit sad that alot of us can’t see january as the start of a new year, and although I can’t truthfully say I see it as the greatest month to start on, we can always just start again in february.
